Let me begin by saying, I did my best to put my Dietitian hat on and approach this topic from a professional point of view – but, this is deeply personal to me. I don’t think I succeeded.
I have written before about my book club. This is a group of friends with whom I have an ongoing group message, which helps us stay out of jail. We sometimes share WTF moments with one another. This topic begins with just one of those.
The scene: My friend Amy was watching her 4 year old daughter in dance class. Nearby is a group of moms chattering away. Amy, being an introvert, chose to not engage in idle chit-chat. But, she could not help but overhear their conversation. What she heard enraged her. We all receive a text that says something to the effect of: “These women in dance class are talking about how ‘allergy kids’ are ruining Halloween for their kids”.
Amy’s son is one of those ‘allergy kids’. Amy is a kindergarten teacher and teaches many of those ‘allergy kids’. My husband is an ‘allergy grown up’ – one of the few adults I know who is.
It was clear that she was seething with anger. The other four of us on the group message were also seething in anger with her. I asked if she could calmly go over and talk with them and explain the gravity of the situation for kids with allergies (Please don’t call them ‘allergy kids’, they are kids, who happen to have allergies. An allergy defines a person no more than any other diagnosis). She couldn’t, and I don’t blame her. She chose to move away as to not unleash her mom fury on them.
I won’t get into the theories as to why there are so many more kids being diagnosed with allergies now than there were a generation ago. There are many theories, and they are just that, theory.
The importance of this conversation is this: A child could die.
We are not talking about seasonal allergies that cause sneezing and itchy eyes. Food allergies can also cause gastrointestinal reactions, which can cause health complications if left untreated for a long enough period. An example of this is Celiac Disease, a reaction to a protein in wheat.
We are talking about an anaphylactic reaction. If untreated, the person who is most often a child, is unable to breathe within a matter of minutes. Even sometimes when treated, it isn’t enough. With every following exposure (exposure can be ingestion or even airborne in some cases) to the allergen, the response time for treatment is shortened dramatically. For context: My husband has gone from 1 ½ hours, to 45 minutes, to 20 minutes upon his most recent exposure.
I get it. There are a whole lot of parents out there who believe that they have self diagnosed their child with an allergy. Or they insist that based on some internet ‘research’, it is somehow unnatural for their child to eat X food. So they then insist that said food is banned from a classroom. We have all heard these stories.
So, let’s go back to what Amy overheard in dance class. She doesn’t hear ‘allergy kids’; she hears her son’s name. She thinks of him having a reaction and having a hard time breathing. She thinks of the time that he initially didn’t respond to Epinephrine. She thinks of her own panic and helplessness. She tries to not think the unthinkable – about a life without him.
Here’s the thing: It’s a Halloween party. Or a Holiday Party. Or a Birthday Party. I’m sorry you can’t bring in a Snickers bar for the class. I’m sorry your kid can’t have a PB&J at lunchtime. I’m sorry there are restrictions.
What if it was your precious baby? I guarantee that these are the moms that would be first in line to say, “No peanuts! No tree nuts!” So, on second thought, I’m not sorry.
You might be saying, “Why can’t ‘those kids’ sit at an allergy table?” My answer: really? I mean seriously?
Let’s set aside from the fact that some severe allergic reactions can be airborne. Let’s set aside from the fact that kids are generally kind souls who always want to share with their friends, even if they sit at a different table. Aren’t we supposed to be teaching our kids a culture of inclusivity? That’s pretty high on my parent priority list. So, you want them to sit at a different table? Great idea. Highly inclusive.
We live in a pretty selfish society. But, as parents, we shouldn’t choose the luxury of selfishness. Our children come first. I use the word ‘our’ very intentionally. Not ‘mine’, but ‘our’.
Because what if, God forbid, a child has a reaction in the classroom, on the playground, at practice. Will that impact just one child, one family?
No. That child’s classmates and friends will see it. They will see a teacher administer an Epi-pen. They will see an EMT come to their school and take their friend away in an ambulance. I hope it ends well from there. The parent who sent the candy probably feels terrible, probably didn’t know or understand. I know I would feel terribly.
Yes, there may be a child in class with yours who you suspect their parents of playing Dr. Internet. On the chance that that child, or another child really does have a life-threatening allergy, why chance it? Would you chance it with your baby? I certainly wouldn’t.
To the women in Amy’s dance class: I hope that you come to understand that other children don’t wish for these potentially deadly allergies. They did not choose them. They don’t understand why they can’t eat peanuts, tree nuts, shellfish or other foods. The children with tree nut allergies wish they could share a snack of chex-mix with their friends at dance class. The children with peanut allergies wish they didn’t have to watch over their shoulders at baseball games. Please be considerate, especially to the ones that cannot yet actively voice their concerns, and the ones who will help shape the next generation along side your children.
My bet is that kids won’t even realize the Snickers isn’t there. They sure as hell would realize their friend isn’t.
Thank you for this.
Get em, Sandy!